Infertility is a deeply emotional experience that affects not only the body but the mind. While the physical challenges of infertility are well known, the psychological toll can be just as significant. Couples or individuals undergoing fertility treatments often face a range of emotional struggles that can impact their mental health and relationships.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the common psychological issues faced by infertility patients and provide insight into how to cope with them during this challenging journey.
Anxiety and Fear
One of the most common psychological issues I see in my clients going through infertility or fertility treatment. The uncertainty and complexity of fertility treatments can create worry, rumination, and difficulty relaxing or grounding oneself. Patients can feel anxious about the outcome of each step along the way, from the egg retrieval and sperm collection process to the embryo transfer to waiting for results for all of the procedures along the way.
The fear of failure can certainly creep in as well, as every fertility patient has heard the statistics of success – the very existence of which means that IVF or fertility treatments are not always successful. After investing time, energy, and an extraordinary amount of money in some cases into the IVF process, the fear of not succeeding can lead many to overwhelming stress.
How to Cope:
Mindfulness and meditation: **Read more on this on my mindfulness post during IVF. These practices can help reduce anxiety by encouraging you to focus on the present moment and let go of future fears.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): this can be where I come in – CBT can be highly effective in challenging and reframing the negative thought patterns associated with anxiety.
Depression and Sadness
Depression is another very common psychological challenge faced by infertility patients. This is often not a clinical experience, but more of a temporary experiential reaction to the effects of medication, and/or loss or setback in the journey. Setbacks in this emotionally charged journey can lead to profound feelings of sadness, hopelessness, sometimes emotional numbness even.
I often say that the process of IVF can be very straightforward and a relatively short process for some; for others, it can feel like a slow giving up, surrendering or letting-go of how you thought a significant phase of your life was going to go. The sadness is often not just related to potential losses or setbacks throughout treatment, but can also stem from a greater sense of loss: the loss of your expectation of conceiving naturally or being able to surprise your partner with a positive pregnancy test, the potential loss of an imagined future with biological children, the feeling of being “broken”, or the grief that arises when dreams of becoming a parent are delayed or uncertain.
How to Cope:
Therapy for infertility: Talking to a therapist, especially one who specializes in fertility or grief, can provide support in managing feelings of sadness and loss.
Support groups: Connecting with others who are going through similar struggles can help reduce feelings of isolation and offer valuable emotional support. These don’t always have to be in person. There are even a ton of facebook groups that feature cohorts of individuals going through similar phases of treatment at the same time that can relate to and share their experiences with one another.
Feelings of Isolation
Infertility can certainly feel like a very lonely journey, which is a particular shame as the CDC estimates that 1/4 to 1/5 individuals experience infertility; those who go through it should theoretically never have to feel alone. However, it can be a challenging thing to open up about. This sense of isolation can stem from a lack of understanding from family and friends who may not fully grasp the emotional and physical toll of infertility.
Infertility can be an incredibly sensitive topic to open up about. With even the most well-intentioned loved ones, clients sometimes report to me that the support they’ve received has been less than helpful, as it is a difficult topic for most to know how to emotionally respond to. Fertility patients may find themselves starting to avoid situations where they’re confronted with questions about when they will have children, further compounding the isolation.
How to Cope:
Open communication: try to open up to trusted friends or family members who are understanding, so that you don’t feel like you have to go through the process along. *It can be helpful to pre-empt a conversation that is sensitive to you by simply stating that to your loved one, and sometimes by even stating what you might need out of that conversation: “This is a really sensitive topic to me, would it be okay if you let me talk and heard me out without providing advice?”
Support networks: Again, joining online communities or in-person support groups with others who understand the struggles of infertility can help alleviate isolation and foster connection.
**Engaging in your most loved hobbies with you close ones – sometimes just spending time doing what you love to do with the ones you love is support in and of itself; we do not always have to talk about the thing; in fact sometimes we need a break from thinking of what ails us and to focus on what and who we love. As you can tolerate it, being social in general as you move through your fertility journey is of utmost importance to your sense of community and support.
Guilt and Self-Blame
Many infertility patients struggle with feelings of guilt or self-blame. They may feel like their body is failing them or that they are in some way responsible for their infertility. For women, the pressure to conceive can be especially intense due to societal expectations, and they may internalize feelings of inadequacy. Similarly, male infertility can carry a heavy emotional burden for men who might feel like they are “less than” or unable to fulfill societal expectations of fatherhood.
These feelings of guilt can be further amplified by the physical demands of infertility treatments, which sometimes require difficult decisions. The emotional strain of these decisions can contribute to a sense of shame.
How to Cope:
Self-compassion: being kind and gentle with yourself during this process is vital. Remember that infertility is a medical condition and not something that is your fault. If that is hard to believe, that’s a good place to start in therapy.
Therapy for Infertility: Counseling or therapy with a professional who understands fertility issues can help address feelings of guilt and provide reassurance.
Anger and Frustration
Infertility often brings about feelings of anger and frustration. “Why do I have this burden to bear?” For some, the journey can feel like an endless cycle of disappointments. Patients may feel frustration with their own bodies, or with the healthcare system as a whole, as they navigate the ins and outs of coordinating with doctors and insurance representatives. Patients can also feel frustrated by the way treatment can interrupt their life on a practical level – at some times but not others, patients are instructed by their medical team that they can or cannot exercise, be intimate with their partners, take that trip they’d been planning on. In some cases, patients may also have complex feelings about their felt level of support and others’ level of ability to sit with them in their time of needed support.
How to Cope:
Emotional expression: Rather than bottling up feelings of anger, it can be helpful to express them in a healthy way, whether through journaling, talking to a therapist, physical exercise and exertion (great for releasing the tension of anger), or mindful exercises.
Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: practices like yoga, meditation and deep-breathing exercises can help release pent-up anger and frustration, promoting emotional calm and a way back to an emotional baseline.
*Remember: anger is not bad, it is simply an emotion that we were made to feel and experience. We just don’t want to get stuck in anger – it is meant to be acknowledged, felt, and understood. This is a process.
Loss of Control and Uncertainty
Infertility is filled with uncertainty, and many patients experience a loss of control over their bodies and their future. The constant medical appointments, medications and unknown outcomes can feel very overwhelming. Patients may feel like they are at the mercy of medical staff and procedures, and this loss of control can exacerbate feelings of helplessness.
How to Cope:
Focus on What you Can Control: While much of the IVF process is out of your hands, there are still aspects that you can control, such as lifestyle choices (diet, exercise, self-care, viewing yourself as a whole person and not just a fertility patient, seeking support) for your emotional well-being. Focusing on these areas can help create a sense of agency.
Therapy for Infertility: A counselor specializing in infertility can help you process the emotions related to uncertainty and guide you in managing those feelings.
Excitement, Joy and Gratitude
Happily, I can also saw that I witness my clients have positive emotional experiences while in their fertility journey – and not just when they have success. By working through a lot of the difficult emotions, individuals can also start to let in some of the joy and gratitude that is a result of living a well-rounded life, engaged in their hobbies and their relationships. And yes, of course, the joy that comes with reaching success of fertility treatments is something I look forward to celebrating with my patients.
Infertility and undergoing fertility treatments is a wild ride, often filled with emotional and physical ups and downs. The above-mentioned are just some of the emotional experiences had by the brave individuals that undergo fertility treatments. It is a wide and varied experience and everyone’s is uniquely different. With the right coping strategies and support systems, it is possible to manage these emotional experiences and to maintain emotional well-being throughout the process.
Seeking support through therapy, couples counseling, or fertility support groups can provide much-needed guidance and reassurance. Remember, you don’t have to go through this journey alone. Acknowledging the emotional challenges of infertility and addressing them can help you build resilience, maintain your mental health, help you find perspective on exactly how strong you are, and ultimately support your goal of starting or expanding your family. I am here, and I'm ready to work with you in identifying and achieving your mental health goals while you go through this extraordinary and emotional journey.
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